tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post5434097414302863763..comments2023-04-09T07:50:22.398-04:00Comments on 39 For the First Time: The RentVictoriaKPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07987993161693042703noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-63845209949679486582012-05-10T02:10:46.823-04:002012-05-10T02:10:46.823-04:00Harsh. Brutal. Difficult. I love that you're n...Harsh. Brutal. Difficult. I love that you're not afraid to send your characters in these dark places. Or if you are afraid, you send them there anyway. Regarding: "I can’t imagine why else she’d..." I'd drop the "else". It's a double negative effect that isn't serving the scene the way I think it was intended. (Did that make sense? I shouldn't try to comment when the hubby is on the television...)<br /><br />This scene is brilliantly blocked and has a driven pace. And I'm so ready for what you got next!Shelton Keys Dunninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10551666631783476472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-79282540211794790822012-05-08T21:45:46.746-04:002012-05-08T21:45:46.746-04:00What a great character!
and also the post with you...What a great character!<br />and also the post with your hub ... you did him proud!The Sisters' Hoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08797948652615263591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-64582943812197007082012-05-05T16:17:54.237-04:002012-05-05T16:17:54.237-04:00I also love the tension in this scene. Like Angela...I also love the tension in this scene. Like Angela, I agree that the "admiring her spirit" line is unnecessary. You can tell he feels this way from his motions and body language. <br /><br />I also noticed an incorrect "you're in the opening" graph. <br /><br />LOVE this character.Nancy Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04313721217543578257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-7304966675088717312012-05-04T23:21:24.983-04:002012-05-04T23:21:24.983-04:00And you do not disappoint. Karen is so fully forme...And you do not disappoint. Karen is so fully formed, and her memories are so bittersweet. I love the tension in this scene.Cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05407917830307384493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-7729101157508692432012-05-04T23:06:23.491-04:002012-05-04T23:06:23.491-04:00Again, great job with the dialogue :)
I might cha...Again, great job with the dialogue :)<br /><br />I might change this line:<br /> He touched the side of her head and patted her coal black curls admiring her spirit<br /><br />I like the line, and I think you can keep the beginning of it, but the "admiring her spirit" changes the POV of the piece so abruptly that it was a little jarring to read.<br /><br />Karen is such a wonderful character; I love reading her.angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14974137283220034062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-34218057999243113232012-05-04T21:09:52.756-04:002012-05-04T21:09:52.756-04:00What a heartbreaking scene! The dialogue flows so...What a heartbreaking scene! The dialogue flows so well. I'd love to see more of this scene.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-33630785575877696312012-05-04T20:58:14.118-04:002012-05-04T20:58:14.118-04:00Your dialogue just flows so naturally. Excellent e...Your dialogue just flows so naturally. Excellent example!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-334632485304709507.post-90848616781180852492012-05-04T20:15:47.325-04:002012-05-04T20:15:47.325-04:00oompf...what a gut punch
Karen had to grow up so ...oompf...what a gut punch<br /><br />Karen had to grow up so fast and so hard. I admire her more in every chapter.<br /><br />great job with the dialogue and with the emotional impact.<br /><br />more Karen pleaseLancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02421199592104616785noreply@blogger.com