I must confess that this piece for The Red Writing Hood meme almost didn’t happen this week. While I had an idea of what to write about early in the week, I did almost no writing thanks to a nasty flu-like bug that hit me and both of my children. Did I mention the kids have school vacation this week? Not the perfect environment to write, but I managed to phone this one in finally. The mission: “Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig's List. Talk about the history of the items, why they must go.”
FOR SALE: A list of seven qualified and dependable babysitters. After living in this neighborhood for eleven years, my family is moving cross-country for a new employment opportunity. One of the things I’ll miss most about living here is the list of babysitters I’ve managed to acquire after much trial and error. Not listed are the ones I stopped calling because they fed the children meals of unheated Spaghettios or let them watch The Jersey Shore. I have also left out babysitters who “entertained” visitors of their own while we were out. These seven people are truly wonderful and deserve to keep getting hired. I can vouch for their characters and have made extensive background checks on each of them. I’ll furnish you with a list of their numbers—for a price (I’m hoping to defer the cost of moving expenses a bit).
The list includes (but is not limited to):
Jane* is a grandmother and retired kindergarten teacher who loves children. Her own grandchildren live out of state and she misses them terribly. She likes to baby-sit so she can spend time with children. The children love doing arts and crafts projects with Jane. She works cheap, but doesn’t drive after dark. Have a daytime appointment or need to run errands without the children? Jane’s the one to call.
Mandy* is a sophomore at Glendale Community College where she majors in child psychology. The kids just love Mandy. She is willing to plays board games for hours and is happy to listen to them chatter on endlessly. Unfortunately, kids aren’t the only ones who love Mandy. She’s rarely available on Friday and Saturday nights.
Courtney* is a senior at Blessed Sacrament High School and a member of the varsity soccer and softball teams. The kids really like her because she runs around outside with them. I love her because the kids get really tired out when she comes over. She’s going away to school next year. Enjoy her while the summer lasts!
Carol* is a stay at home mom. She is very reliable and I know the kids are in excellent hands with her. They eat nutritious meals and go to bed at a reasonable hour when she watches them. The kids don’t get quite as excited about her coming over to baby-sit for some reason.
Also for available for a smaller fee—a list of babysitters to avoid. You can’t be too careful.
*Real names withheld until payment.