Friday, February 24, 2012

Date Night Gone Wrong


The following is an excerpt from my work in progress, Lost and Found. This scene takes place during Michaela and Adam’s first date. They’ve had a lovely dinner and a stroll by the waterfront. Romance is in the air, until they sit down on a park bench.

The night was getting cooler. I wished I had brought a jacket to slip around Michaela’s shoulders. I wasn’t ready to leave but she was shivering beneath her light sweater. I put my arm over her shoulder, “Are you cold?”
            “A little,” she said.
            “Do you want to get going?” I asked.
            “Not really,” she said as she snuggled closer.
            “Good.”
            I barely heard the approaching footsteps when Michaela gasped.  A man in a black hooded sweatshirt snatched her purse from behind. The strap was wound around her arm. When he grabbed the purse she was lifted halfway off the bench. Before I realized what was happening, she was on the other side of the bench, still hanging onto the purse. She stomped on his foot with the heel of her sandal and he let go of the bag. He howled in pain and grabbed at his foot.
            “Fucking cunt! I’m gonna kill you.”
            I reached out to grab him but she kicked him in the face. He fell backwards into my arms. She was standing ready for another attack when I pushed him to the ground and held his hands behind his back. I didn’t have to work too hard to hold him there. He was already dazed from Michaela’s kick.
            “You’ve got him?” she asked.
            “Yeah, you really clocked him. He isn’t going anywhere.”
            “I’ll call the police,” she said reaching into the bag for her phone.
            “Where did you learn to do that?” I asked. I was impressed at how well she handled herself and not a little embarrassed at how little she needed my help.
            “Peter and I took a mixed martial arts class together before the kids were born. I can’t believe I remembered what to do.” 
            The thief started to stir.
            “I’m gonna get that bitch,” he muttered.
            “Mind your manners or I’ll hand you over to her,” I said.
He struggled harder.
“And, I’ll make sure it gets around that you got your ass handed to you by a girl.”
He didn’t say another word.

This week’s Write on Edge prompt was to stir up some conflict, using the following quote as inspiration.

    “It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.”
    Mahatma Gandhi (1869 – 1948)


12 comments:

  1. Great job! I liked the description of her kicking some criminal butt--it was like second nature to her.

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  2. I love a strong woman! This reminds of how my husband must feel when I take care of the maintenance around our house. ;-) Poor guy can't handle that kind of stuff.

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  3. wow, didn't expect this from her! Good writing. I like she stayed assertive and strong. Bravo.

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  4. That was AWESOME! I gotta say that I've read some of your stuff in the past (and enjoyed it) but I loved this. I didn't think you had the language in you. Very nicely done. I also like that you incorporated it into your book. I took a few prompts and turned them into scenes in my first book and the writing I did for this week's prompt is definitely going into the second book.

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  5. Woot! Go Michaela!! This was a great scene. I love the fact she kicked the thief's ass. And that Adam seemed cool with having a woman "protect" him :)

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  6. Oh I love it! The timing is great and the dialogue real.

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  7. Wow, Michaela is pretty epic! What a funny scene!

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  8. That was so real and written so well that I almost felt that stab to the foot. The scene flowed so well .

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  9. I love it when the girl saves the day. Great job on the prompt!

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  10. I love when women are empowered over assholes! Great job!

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  11. Now THAT is a date. I, too, love the empowerment and how he just goes along with it all.

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