Friday, March 4, 2011

RDC: Normal at the Beach


      This week's Red Writing Hood meme: Water gives life. It also takes it away. Write a short piece - fiction or non-fiction - inspired by one or both of these statements. Word maximum is 600.    

      I've been playing with this character Michaela, a young widow, and her family on and off for a while. I'm hoping some day they'll come to life in a novel. Here is the first time they've appeared in public. Constructive criticism welcome!

Normal at the Beach     


“Mommy! Look at the size of the fish I caught!” yelled Brianna. She led me over to the old pickle bucket that held the day’s “catch”—minnows, tiny shrimp, hermit crabs and periwinkles. One minnow, slightly larger than the rest swam in frantic circles around the edge of the bucket.
            “Wow, Sweetie. He’s huge,” I said. She grinned at me her and eyes nearly disappeared into her chubby cheeks—the last bit of baby fat left on her. Brianna was getting leaner and taller by the day and leaving babyhood behind.
            “Mom! Can you help me?” called John. “I need to build a moat and make the wall stronger. The tide is coming close to my sandcastle.”
            “Can I help too?” asked Brianna.
            “Yeah, come on! We need to hurry,” he yelled.
            We followed John as he ran through the salt marsh back towards the beach.
The rising tide was only five or six feet away from the thick walls of his castle. A moat and a retaining wall would buy his structure a little time. John, our seven-year-old foreman directed us where to dig and where to pile the sand higher.
           
My mother, as usual had been right—it had been a good idea to come here. After this winter, we needed to just play in the sun for a while and try to find a new version of normal.
            “You should go down to the cottage as soon as school is out,” she said to me. “Take the first two weeks of July.”
            “I don’t want you losing out on renting it for July 4th weekend Mom.”
            “This is more important than some rent money,” she insisted. “You and the boys need a break. They need to go somewhere they can just be kids—play in the sand, eat pizza and fish and chip, see some cousins, get some air. And you need it too Michaela. You’re too thin.”
            That caught me off guard. My mother had always noticed when I gained weight,. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I was too thin. But then, I had never been a widow before. Barry died in September and we limped through the school year. Sometimes pretending to be a normal family and sometimes not even bothering to pretend.
           
            John piled more and more sand on the retaining wall while Brianna and I dug the moat. “Do you think this is deep enough John?” I asked him. He scrutinized the trench we were digging.
            “Yes,” he decided. “It’s deep enough, but I think we should make it go around the perimeter of the castle wall.”
            I smiled at his intensity and his vocabulary—so much like his dad. I thought about the last time we were all here together. The two of them working side-by-side all morning building a Cape Cod Camelot. Barry had made sure the castle was built further away from the water—something I had failed to do this time. “Come on Mom!” John insisted. “We need to dig all the way around for protection.”
            We got back to work until the moat surrounded the castle. Tired and hot, we rested on our blanket while the water swirled into the trench. The castle was safe from the tide for now.
            “Thanks Mom. Thanks Brianna,” John said. “I couldn’t have done it alone.”

17 comments:

  1. This is really good. You've painted a picture of a typical family, just being together. The sadness that I'm sure is a part of them just touched the edges, so you knew it was there.

    I'd love to read more of the story

    Visiting from RDC

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  2. I love the metaphor of the sand castle, protected only temporarily from the incoming tide. Wonderful beginning here!

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  3. I see the water, so much like grief, threatening to spill over them, but this time at the beach is a small moment of normalcy built around them.

    I like your characters. Very believable and Michaela is someone I want to know more about.

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  4. I loved this. Tracie said it far better than I could. This tiny moment was so instrumental for to shore up their walls.

    It was such a bittersweet picture of a nearly complete family.

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  5. I liked this. I can see lots of different directions you can take it.

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  6. Thanks everyone for the feedback! I was nervous to share since these folks have been floating around in my mind (and occasionally in my computer) for quite a while.

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  7. Yes, I want to know more about this family. The potential is awesome. And I understand about characters and stories floating around. A couple of mine have been floating for decades.

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  8. Stopping by from TRDC...

    I like it. I like the images of being at the beach. Trying to relax after having had a trying year... I could feel Michaela's sadness even though you didn't focus on it.

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  9. This makes me think on Luanne Rice, who writes so tenderly about family and loss and love and rebuilding, and often along the shores of New England.

    Thanks for sharing them with us.

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  10. I really enjoyed this. Glad they made their public appearance. I hope to read more about them in the future.

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  11. What a beautiful story - even given the sad circumstances, it was lovely.

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  12. Awww, this was so bittersweet. Love your son's line at the end, "I couldn't have done this alone".
    Beautiful piece...and so sorry for your loss.

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  13. still fabulous :)

    One thing I noticed is that Grandma says "you and the boys need a break" But isn't Brianna a girl's name? Shouldn't it be you and the kids need a break?

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  14. Beautiful piece-and your setting is perfect. There is something so comforting about being at the beach, and it is the ideal place for this little family to take a time out from life.

    I am looking forward to reading more of this story in the future:)

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  15. This hit home with me. My best friend lost her husband unexpectedly about a year ago, and she has been trying to survive. She has two little boys. They go on lots of trips and do fun things and she sends me pictures of them. I know she is trying to keep busy and try and keep them happy, but there is that sadness. That gets better with time, but is always there.

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  16. I often wonder how I would learn to pick up the pieces if something happened to my husband. I would hope that I would be like this woman. Great job!

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  17. I loved this, Victoria!

    The characters were lovingly drawn but succinctly. You chose your words carefully and to the best effect.

    Go, you!

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