This week at Write on Edge, we were challenged to imagine our novel being made into a movie and to envision the song that would be playing during a pivotal scene of the movie. So here is a little snippet from my NaNoWriMo work in progress along with U2’s song “Walk On”. This scene would follow a piece I published on the blog in June. You can read it here.
An Excerpt from Lost and Found
Michaela came to the door wearing pajama pants and a tank top with no bra. Her pony tail was coming undone. She looked sleepy and vulnerable.
“Adam,” she said. “I’m sorry. I was such a jerk yesterday.”
“You were?”
“I was. I tried to call you after I cooled off but you didn’t answer. Then Brian got sick at school and Paige was sick by the time she got home as well. That’s why I look like this. It was coming out of both ends all night. I’m sorry. That’s gross. Too much information. They’re still sleeping. They never sleep this late. Anyway, I’m sorry. You were just doing something nice for me and I was a bitch.”
“I was. I tried to call you after I cooled off but you didn’t answer. Then Brian got sick at school and Paige was sick by the time she got home as well. That’s why I look like this. It was coming out of both ends all night. I’m sorry. That’s gross. Too much information. They’re still sleeping. They never sleep this late. Anyway, I’m sorry. You were just doing something nice for me and I was a bitch.”
She finally took a breath.
“Michaela?”
“Yes.”
“I brought you coffee.”
“God bless you Adam,” she said with a laugh.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
The house smelled like disinfectant and there were dishes piled in the sink. Empty Gatorade containers and saltine crumbs littered the kitchen table
“I need to apologize too,” I said.
“No you don’t. You were just being nice.”
“I’m not apologizing for mowing the lawn. I’m apologizing for overreacting and storming off. I wrecked my last relationship by buying things for my girlfriend instead of showing her I cared. I vowed I wouldn’t make same mistake again. So after the other night I wanted to do something for you to show you how I felt. Then it didn’t go the way I planned and I didn’t handle it well. I’m sorry for that.”
“Adam,” she said. “Peter was my first love. He was my best friend. I didn’t know how to be a parent without him. I thought I wouldn’t survive his death. It took me a year to just begin to function like a normal person. Being in a relationship with someone new never crossed my mind. And now I think about you at random times of the day and it distracts me from everything else. I’m falling for you and it scares me as much as it excites me. I know I’m making mistakes.”
I kissed her gently on the lips.
“You’re doing just fine.”
This song would work perfcetly starting with the non apology for mowing the lawn...perfect\
ReplyDeleteThat reassurance when one person feels guilty is special, isn't it. This scene happened in my house this morning except with different details. This hit me well, today.
good writing
Very realistic conversation. You've managed to utilize all of my senses here too. Great imagery with a great song.
ReplyDelete~~The Drama Mama
Very good and realistic post. Ah, baggage.
ReplyDeleteI love how you wrote this as a conversation. And the song fits it perfectly. Great post.
ReplyDeleteAh, that first tenuous steps towards a new relationship. Definitely an important conversation to have if you want the relationship to move forward. Otherwise you are left dancing around it, never actually saying anything :)
ReplyDeleteNice mood set by the music, this was very well crafted. :)
ReplyDeleteim a lifelong U2 fan, and this was really a perfect song to choose for this scene. and i love how realistic it was, and how tender the ending was. #sigh
ReplyDeleteVery nice...The song fits the scene perfectly. And the conversation is so sweet and heartfelt, nice job.
ReplyDelete