Friday, May 18, 2012

The Phone Call



            Karen stumbled down the white tiled hallway. The smell of disinfectant burned her eyes. She opened the glass doors and stepped into the fresh air. It had been just after sunset when Karen brought her mother to the hospital. Now she squinted in the noontime glare.
            Last night’s clothes clung to her body. Feeling wrinkled and stale, she craved sinking into a bath. But first she had to get home. She had walked miles every day for her entire life. Today the walk home was too much. Karen found a bench and buried her face in her hands, too exhausted to cry. Peggy was going to be okay, but Karen couldn’t get the image out of her mind of her mother, ghostly white, lying on the bathroom floor.
            Karen took a deep breath to muster the strength to walk home when she noticed the telephone booth across the street. Henry would help her. All she had to do was call. But asking for help was not something Karen did.
            She looked down the street. It was probably two miles to her house and only fifty yards to the phone booth. More than a ride home, she needed a friend. She swallowed her pride, forced it down like bitter medicine and crossed the street.
            It took Henry’s fraternity brothers a few minutes to find him.
            “Hello?”
            “Henry, it’s me. It’s Karen.”
            “Karen, what’s wrong? You never call.”
            “I had to take Mum to the hospital last night. I need…”
            She trailed off, not knowing how to ask for what she needed. How could she tell him what she needed, when she didn’t know herself?
            “Karen?”
            “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I need.”
            “I’ll be there in ten minutes. We’ll figure it out.”
            “Thank you.”
            Karen sank to the bottom of the phone booth. She hadn’t cried when her dad left town. She hadn’t cried when her friends all left for college and she took a job waiting tables in a greasy diner. She hadn’t cried when her dreams of secretarial school began to fade when Mum started drinking. She hadn’t cried when she begged Mr. Weitz to call an ambulance for Peggy. Now years of disappointment tumbled down her face.
            “Please God,” she whispered. “This is as much as I can take.”

            For this week’s prompt from Write on Edge, we were asked to write a story or memoir which relates to choices and/or consequences. I found myself a little stymied by this week’s prompt, maybe because most of Karen’s life is about choices and consequences so I didn’t know where to begin. If you’re interested in reading more about Karen, click here.

9 comments:

  1. Oh, poor Karen. Too much has piled up on those shoulders. She needs to find someone to help carry the weight.

    I love the bit where she had to ask for help, the swallowing of her pride. It shows so much about Karen's character.

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  2. I agree with Carrie - I think one of the best parts of this scene is her pushing herself to ask for help. I am going to check out the rest of Karen's story because this piece intrigued me.

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  3. I'm so glad she called Henry--not for a ride but for his friendship. She has dealt with so much in her life, and it's time she had a little support, too :)

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  4. This nis the best Karen piece of all-time. She showed vulnerability, she reached out to Henry, and she fell apart. Karen is a great character.

    more please

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  5. Nice to be able to incorporate the prompt into an established character. The last couple I read focused on the choice itself; this is the first I've read focusing on the consequences.

    You did a great job of encapsulating the moment,even for a reader who isn't familiar with Karen yet.

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  6. This is the first time that I have met Karen and was able to know her right away by your words. I could really feel for her as she crumbled in the phone booth. She had reached her point.
    Thank you for sharing!

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  7. I could really relate to Karen's vulnerability in this piece-she's an intriguing character! Great job-I felt like I was a fly on the wall watching the entire scene.

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  8. It's okay to cry Karen. You can't keep it bottled up forever. And men like Henry want to know they're needed.

    My concrit: "Peggy was going to be okay, but Karen couldn’t get the image out of her mind of her mother, ghostly white, lying on the bathroom floor."

    There's nothing wrong with this sentence but for me it's using more words or different words than the emotion requires. (I think it may be the "of" usage) Try: "Peggy was going to be okay, but Karen couldn't shake the haunting image of her mother, ghostly white, lying on the bathroom floor."

    Karen needs a happy moment. Soon. Please?
    Fantastic take on the prompt!

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  9. Very nice. I also liked the scene about her swallowing her pride like bitter medicine.

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