Thursday, March 1, 2012

Write on Edge: Dusseldorf


            “It was a rainy night in Düsseldorf…” Henry began.
            “Düsseldorf? You’re kidding. Why were you in Düsseldorf?” Karen asked.
            “My dad had to go there on business. He thought it would be a good chance for me to see the world. When he went to Paris he took my sister Katherine.”
            “Wow. Imagine going to Europe for business,” Karen said as she sipped her Coke. She had finally agreed to go out with Henry. But there were conditions—she wouldn’t go with him in a car and she wouldn’t go after dark. So they met for lunch at the nearest burger joint.
            Henry still couldn’t figure her out. Most of the girls he knew wanted to go to nice restaurants. They expected him to open doors and stand when they entered the room. Karen seemed surprised—almost flustered to be treated like a lady.
            “Doesn’t your dad travel on business?”  he asked.
            Karen fiddled with her straw for a moment, took a deep breath, looked Henry in the eye and said, “No. I’m pretty sure you have to have a job before you can take a business trip.”
            Henry looked away first. Karen sat up straight, indifferent to Henry’s discomfort. Perhaps even happy about it.
            “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I… I didn’t mean to offend you.”
            “I’m not offended,” she said. “I’ve never spent the rent money at the dog track. I didn’t run out when my kid was ten. I have a job and I work hard. I help my mother pay the rent and I’m proud of that. Some day I’m going to save enough money and learn how to be a secretary so I don’t have to wait tables in a greasy diner for a living.”
            Karen’s eyes looked wild as she spoke, like the blue center of a flame. Henry wasn’t sure what to say next.
            “I think that’s great,” he tried.
            “I haven’t had anything handed to me. The idea of flying off to Europe on business is completely exotic to me. I might as well say flew to Mars.”
            “Maybe I can take you there someday,” he said taking her hand.
            She shook her head and pulled her hand away.
            “It would never happen. We come from two different worlds.”
            “So?”
            “What do you think your parents would say if you took a waitress home?”
            “You’ve never met my parents. You don’t know what they’d say.”
            “Right. I’m sure I’m the girl they’ve always dreamed of for you.”
            “You know, we may come from two different worlds, but you don’t know any more about mine than I do about yours.”
            “What’s that supposed to mean?”
            “It means, you judging my parents without knowing them is no different than my fraternity brothers thinking a woman is easy just because she’s a waitress.”
            For a moment, Henry thought she was going to lash out again. But the fire in her eyes cooled off.
            “Maybe you’re right,” she said. “Tell me about Düsseldorf. Are there castles?”


            I loved this week’s prompt for Write on Edge. We were asked to begin a story with the words, “It was a rainy night in Düsseldorf…” I can’t wait to read what everyone’s written this week. If you’re interested in reading Karen’s previous stories, click here.


 I don't normally include a soundtrack with my posts, but this song came on while I was writing this story. I imagine it might be playing on the jukebox during Henry and Karen's date.

10 comments:

  1. good job working around the prompt. I like Karen's rollercoaster emotional state. She's very real. I just want to know her.

    more please

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  2. Nicely done. I love the way everyone's playing with the line so far!

    I also love the way Henry takes the wind out of her self-righteous sails. It's a great moment.

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  3. Victoria, I really like the way he met her challenge head on. I think it speaks a lot to his character that he called her out on her judgement without being cruel or mean about it. I think the progression in the story, and the prompt worked nicely to highlight the difference between the two of them without seeming forced.

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  4. Well done! I like how he didn't give up when she threw up the walls and stereotyped him and his family.
    I hope that you continue to use the prompts to further the story along!

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  5. Well done! I like these characters, especially Henry. More about his background and Karen's to come?

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  6. This was well written. I gobbled it up. My favorite line was, " Karen’s eyes looked wild as she spoke, like the blue center of a flame." That a great analogy.
    I also liked how Henry challenged Karen and Karen's acceptance of his challenge. The dialogue was quick and the pacing good.

    Nicely done and perfect for the prompt:~)

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  7. nicely done - I really like these characters, and I'm really glad she seems to be giving him a chance :)

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  8. glad she agreed to a date. I like how you're progressing the story. I found the fluctuation between the POV a little hard to read and I think it would flow cleaner if you tightened it a bit. There are some great lines here, I especially liked "fiddled with her straw". It shows her frame of mind perfectly.

    Excellent job. I'm ready for more!

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  9. I really liked this. I think it was a great way to incorporate the line, and turn it into so much more.

    Great chemistry between them, even in strife-like and intense conversations. Well done and I would like to read more of them!

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  10. Aw, what a great moment, I love that spark between them and their meeting of worlds. Beautifully described, great pace and dialogue. :)

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