Friday, April 27, 2012

The City of Champions


            “So Karen,” Mr. Petersen asked. “You’re a Brockton girl, eh?”
            She sat up a little straighter feeling the strange pride of her rough-around-the-edges hometown. It could be a tough place, but it was part of who she was.
            “Yes,” she said. “Born and bred.”
            “Have you ever met Rocky Marciano?”
            “No Mr. Petersen I’m probably the only Brocktonian who won’t claim to know Mr. Marciano,” she said with a smile. “The whole city is very proud of him, of course.”
            “As you should be. Great boxer. And smart to retire while he was on top. You have to admire a man like that.”
            Karen nodded and looked over at Henry. He was smiling. Dinner was going well. Karen was even beginning to enjoy herself. She had eaten the first two courses very slowly, watching for which utensil to use.
            “Does your father work for one of those shoe factories the city is so famous for?”
            “Dad, I’m sure Karen doesn’t want to talk about what her father does for a living. Have you and Mom read the new James Michener book yet?” Henry said, trying to change the subject.
A Brockton Shoe Factory.
Karen wanted to fill the awkward silence. She could see Henry pretending to be nonchalant and his father growing colder waiting for an explanation.
            “Henry, it’s okay,” Karen said. “I’m sorry Mr. Petersen. I think Henry didn’t want me to be embarrassed. To answer your question, my father was a foreman at The Eaton Shoe Company for years. When it closed down, he got involved with the wrong people. I haven’t seen him since I was ten. My mother works very hard and we manage without him.”
            “She must be a very strong woman,” Henry’s mother remarked. She had been so quiet most of the evening, it startled Karen when she spoke.
            Karen nodded, grateful for the kindness. She knew the conversation might go in this direction, but she had been too concerned about her appearance and making sure she didn’t splash soup on herself to worry about it.
            “So, are you a student like Henry?”  Mrs. Petersen asked.
            “Not yet,” Karen said. “I’m hoping to save enough money to go to secretarial school next year.”
            “Smart move,” Mr. Petersen said with forced heartiness. “Everyone should learn a trade even if they can’t get into college.”
            “I got in,” Karen said, trying not to sound offended. “But it’s too expensive and I don’t want to leave my mother on her own.”
            “Good girl,” Mrs. Petersen said approvingly. “Too many young people are so selfish these days.”
            “I’m all she has. She is a strong woman, but everyone has their limits.”
            “They do indeed,” Mrs. Petersen whispered. Karen was sure there were tears in her eyes as she said it.

            This week’s Write On Edge prompt was to explore the meaning of the word “core” in fiction or non-fiction. It seemed like a natural place to pick up where I left off with Karen. For years I’ve been wanting to use the city of Brockton as a background—almost a character in a story. I think I’ve found the right story with Karen. You can read more about Brockton here and more about Karen here.

17 comments:

  1. Aw, what a lot of complicated emotions were all tied up in this short piece. I know that there's the story of Karen and Henry to follow up on but I really want to know Mrs Petersen's story especially. I think you might have a word missing though where you describe Mrs Petersen as being 'so most of the evening'. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's funny, Mrs. Petersen didn't have much back story until I started writing this segment. But we all have some baggage don't we? :-) Thank you for catching that mistake! It's been fixed.

      Delete
  2. Completely off topic, but the first thing I noticed on your blog was that you won NaNoWriMo 2011. ... CONGRATS!

    I love the aged feel to this piece - I'm a sucker for period pieces. There's only one little nitpick that I can see, and I think you just missed a word in this line: "She had been so most of the evening, it startled Karen when she spoke."

    Other than that, I thought this was really fabulous. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! NaNoWriMo was great. I'm so proud I managed to complete it. I'm sure I became a better writer as a result--even if what I wrote wasn't Pulitzer material :-)

      Thanks for noting the missing "quiet". It's been returned to where it belongs.

      Delete
  3. I love the tension you build in this piece. I'd love to see even more tension created at this dinner. I also love Mrs. Peterson and am intrigued to know what her story is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Mrs. Petersen's drama was a surprise to me as I was writing. It was one of those magical moments. I'll be writing more about her as well.

      Delete
  4. the last few lines about tears in her eyes got me.

    Karen is one of the the best characters I've ever read.

    Great dialogue this time. i didn't even notice the prompt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your support Lance. I'm loving writing about Karen.

      Poor Michaela's been left by the wayside lately!

      Delete
  5. I love your dailogue, it's always spot on and doesn't dilly dally. It's truly your gift to writing, the way your characters talk to one another.

    I also really like Karen, she is more than she seems, I can't wait to see where she takes us.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think your Karen and her responses to such questions are believable. Your dialogue always seems realistic with a nice flow. I'm enjoying this story so far.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I really like that while this piece is about a meeting, it's about so much more. It's about class, and discomfort, and sisterhood.

    So many layers. Very well done.

    ReplyDelete
  8. what a beautifully constructed scene! Im so glad there was a connection there with his mom, despite the forcedness of his dad's answers. She's very well spoken, and not impudent, but protective and forthright about hers and her mom's situation. You set the atmosphere really well here!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh sounds like the mom has an interesting back story. Very well written!

    ReplyDelete
  10. There was some tension in that scene, but it wasn't from Karen. Meeting the parents is always awkward, but this was intense!

    ReplyDelete
  11. You did such a great job with this piece. I always enjoy reading about Karen, and I loved the interaction with the parents here, the subtly drawn but always present lines of class wrapped around each of the father's words. I like the way you've revealed just a bit of Mrs. Peterson to show there is more to her than her upper class position, just like there is more to Karen than her working class one. Lovely job.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is fantastic. Karen's nerves, the emergence of Mrs. Petersen's emotions, the local loyalty, and Henry's protectiveness and the obvious tension between him and his father. It's not easy to balance such a broad range of emotions, but you do it here with a clever hand.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love the tension and the word play here. Nice way to "up the ante" for the budding relationship. Great take on the prompt!

    ReplyDelete