Friday, August 31, 2012

A Lesson from my Son

             My boys climb into the car after a busy day at camp. They answer my questions of, “How was your day?” and “Did you do something fun?” with dull, short answers. They’re tired—all talked out from nine hours with their friends. A few seconds later a song or something a commentator says on the radio inspires Owen to speak. Something other than my boring question gets him started and he doesn’t stop. He tells me he hopes I’m voting for Obama and why. He tells me why Green Day is his favorite band. He tells me in great detail why he lost the last dodge ball game he played. He tells me why he no longer wants Fluff on his peanut butter sandwich. He talks until we arrive home and something else grabs his attention.
            When Owen was about sixteen months old, I was beginning to worry about his very limited vocabulary. Cookie and Daddy were the only recognizable words to come out of his mouth. If he was feeling particularly cheeky, he’d call me Vickie. But he never said “Mama”. I had done everything the books told me to do. I read to him, sang to him, babbled back at him when he was an infant, but he just didn’t talk much. At a party one day I mentioned my concerns to a friend who was a pediatric speech pathologist. He watched us interact and told me I had nothing to worry about. “He doesn’t talk because he doesn’t need to,” he told me. “You anticipate all of Owen’s needs. Stop doing it and he’ll start talking.”
            He was right. A few days later Owen leaned on the refrigerator door and whined. Normally I would ask him if he’d like some cheese. Instead, I said, “Tell me what you want.” He whined again. “Sorry, you need to tell Mama what you want.” He looked at me like I was crazy and said with utter exasperation, “Cheese!”
            He hasn’t stopped talking since that day.
            When the time came to learn to read, Owen struggled. He was bright. Anyone could see that. He picked up complicated concepts easily. But learning to read took effort he wasn’t willing to make. He had the tools to read, but he wasn’t ready to use them. Then he discovered the graphic novel section at our local library. I told him it was too awkward to read a graphic novel out loud and he’d have to read it himself. By the next morning he had finished “Missile Mouse”. It was the turning point for Owen. It sounds like a cliche, but overnight he became a voracious reader.
            Owen taught me that kids learn at their own pace. You can’t force them. Whether it’s reading or talking or even toilet training (especially toilet training?) a person has to be motivated to learn. All the incentives and lectures in the world won’t get a person to learn something they aren’t ready to learn. Now I wonder when he’ll be ready to learn to put his dirty clothes in the hamper.
Mama’s Losin’ It
I'm linking up with Mama Kat. This week we were asked to share a lesson we learned from one of our children.

5 comments:

  1. How true! I'm here from Mama Kat's writers workshop. My oldest son advanced very quickly through every milestone with amazing speed. When my second son didn't seem to talk as clearly, walk as early and ect. I was worried and kept bugging the Pediatrician, she kept telling me he was fine but I had always heard early intervention was key to success with developmental delays. Developmental delays didn't scare me, I just wanted the best for him and wanted to make sure I was doing my job as his mother. That poor Pediatrician and her amazing patience, I finally realized my son is fine he just did/does things in his time, when he is ready to do them!

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  2. And the sooner you realize you can not force them to learn something until they are ready, the more of your sanity you'll be able to hang onto (says the woman who is only moderately sane at this point)! It is so hard to be patient.

    It is almost time to celebrate my son's 18th birthday and the hamper thing still isn't happening.

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  3. My three children have each achieved different milestones in their own ways and own time. It can be frustrating, when I know that they are perfectly capable of doing something, but won't. My youngest is about to begin 1st grade and he seems to be eager to learn. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

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  4. Great post - important to remember that kids do what they want when they're ready. That hamper thing...? I haven't even figured it out myself yet! Yikes! :) Here via Mama Kat's. :)

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